Dear weather gods,

This time, you’ve gone too far.

Long ago, we bartered with you on the slopes of Mount Olympus (the one on campus, not the one in Greece) to restore some order to the endless wind, ice and rain you send crashing down upon us from high atop your Central New York rain cloud throne.

Three thousand years ago, Otto the Orange bravely trekked those ridiculously annoying stairs and struck a deal that was intended to last for all of eternity.

The agreement was simple: In exchange for a ritual animal sacrifice, unlimited SUpercard dollars and Otto’s testicles (I don’t know why you wanted a gender-neutral mascot, but whatever), you would bestow upon us one day each spring in which all of the Syracuse University community could revel and rejoice under a sun-lit sky in beautiful, warm temperatures.

That day was MayFest. Or SU Showcase. Or Block Party. Or whatever the hell we call it now.

So you can imagine the shock and betrayal I felt when I discovered on weather.com that the forecast for this coming Friday is rainy, with temperatures in the 40s.

Come on! What did we do to deserve this? Are you still mad about that whole Walnut Park thing? Please. Everyone knows the real party’s still on Euclid. Don’t act like you’re not invited. Just bring proper ID this time.

Look, we all know that you’re fickle and vengeful. Maybe all this cold rain is just your way of saying that after three millennia, you’re no longer satisfied with unlimited Crunchwrap Supremes from Kimmel Food Court and a spare set of citrus genitalia. We get it. That’s why, instead of pleading for your mercy, we’re prepared to bargain for your cooperation.

Here is a list of things our campus can offer you as sacrifices in exchange for some extra sunshine:

– Seven lifetime supplies worth of Ugg boots and black leggings. Don’t worry —we’ll find a way to replace them before the female student body has to go naked for too long. After all, J. Michael Shoes is still open in Marshall Square Mall.

– The Martin J. Whitman School of Management. I’m OK with it if you are.

– South Campus. Trust me, they’d be fine with it, too.

– All Pepsi, Starbucks, Dunkin’ Donuts and Sbarro products. Don’t worry —you can keep Taco Bell open as long as you want.

– Chipotle Mexican Grill. Serves them right for charging $1.50 extra for guacamole. Like waiting in a 30-minute line during off hours isn’t payment enough.

– The State University of New York College of Environmental Science and Forestry. We all know this is their fault, anyway. 

– Justin Bieber, Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron. They’re all just uglier versions of me.

– The lacrosse team. It’s time to give the rest of the NCAA Division I schools a chance.

– Jerk magazine. Like anyone would notice.

Before you send these humble offerings back down the mount in an angry storm of thunder, lightning and Bieber, please stop to consider just how much we value our MayFest-Showcase-Block Party April 29 shindig.

We might not have a real name for it, but a campus-wide celebration is the only way we know to end a semester right. Exam season can’t start unless we’re properly hung over and sun burnt from an afternoon of warm-weather debauchery.

So put away your clouds, keep the rain stashed for another day and give us some sunshine for crying out loud! If you’re nice, we’ll even throw in some extra leggings and Ugg boots. They’ll look great with Otto’s testicles.

Danny Fersh is a junior broadcast journalism major. His column appears every Wednesday. For an amazing semester, he would like to thank Katie, Kathleen (x2), Sara, Amrita, Danielle, Colleen, my ADV 206 editor, Sadler 613, Watson 235, 35 Clara del Rey, 207 Comstock, 9318 West Parkhill, Mom, Dad, Dooby, Bujey, Ruchela, Pedro, Shaychel Knersh, Douche Kensington, Nicolas Cage, Abram, Schneids, Carson, Tex, Lu, the Mare Nasties, the Eurovisionaries, the Azaharry Potters, Bobby, Maite, Raquel, Carmen, Rosie, Dr. J. and The Jill, Nick Markakis, the Wenners, Charlie Sheen, Jerk, JaVale McGee, V for Vendetti, the Crew Team paparazzi, the haters, the lovers, and of course John Stamos. You can reach him at dafersh@syr.edu and follow him on Twitter @Fersh_Prince.