For us law-abiding citizens, yesterday was like any other day. For our weed-smoking peers, it was a national holiday. After spending the day with some cannabis-loving friends of mine (for research purposes), I now know how important April 20 really is.

Imagine July 4, Thanksgiving and Mardi Gras all wrapped up into one fat joint celebration complete with fireworks, beads and turkey. Now stop bathing for a week, put on some tie-dye and replace those things with a Frisbee, video games and Taco Bell. That’s 4/20. 

Still, while their customs remain unique, potheads are getting better and better at hiding their lifestyle when they walk out in public. No longer can we rely on age-old indicators like bloodshot eyes, hemp clothes and bright orange fingerprints from Cheetos seasoning. We have to look deeper than that.

Now, I would never partake in such illegal shenanigans, but I do have some friends in high places. So, after studying them for a day, I’ve compiled a list of 10 easy ways to tell if your friends are high, even if they’re trying to hide it.

1. Memory loss. Studies have shown that someone under the influence of, say, Pineapple Express, will repeat themselves again and again because they forgot they said it in the first place.

2. Sweatpants count as formal wear. And socks are downright swanky.

3. Memory loss. Studies have shown that someone under the influence of, say, Purple Haze, will repeat themselves again and again because they forgot they said it in the first place.

4. They know exactly how much money they have on their SUpercard account. There’s only so much money you can spend on the midnight pizza slice-popcorn chicken-quesadilla combo with fries and a burger before you start keeping track of expenditures.

5. Short attention span. The average pothead can look at you for about 10 seconds before something shiny distracts them. Don’t worry — that doesn’t mean you’re boring … it’s just fun to look at shiny things. Like mirrors. Or computer screens. Or bald people. Hehe … bald people … What were we talking about again?

6. Memory loss. Studies have shown that someone under the influence of, say, Blueberry Yum-yum will repeat themselves again and again because they forgot they said it in the first place. 

7. They can’t speak in complete sentences. This isn’t so much a product of mental failure as it is a byproduct of eating Doritos by the bag.

8. They watch the History Channel after midnight. It’s amazing how their re-enactments seem more realistic — and more suspenseful — every time.

9. They can’t stop giggling. OK, this one’s obvious, but it’s still a foolproof sobriety test. Let’s face it — if a corny joke, a crappy humor column or Dane Cook is making someone laugh, there are probably drugs involved.

10. Memory loss. Studies have shown that someone under the influence of, say, Bo Jackson Cabbage will repeat themselves again and again because they forgot they said it in the first place.

Danny Fersh is a sophomore broadcast journalism major and his column appears every Wednesday. He’ll be signing Crunchwrap Supremes tomorrow night at Kimmel for anyone interested. He can be reached at dafersh@syr.edu.