A good costume makes all the difference for Halloween. Last year, my roommate and I had a great time dressed as Turk and J.D. from the TV show ‘Scrubs.’ Now, the outfit itself wasn’t much to speak of – just a pair of navy blue scrub pants with a navy blue top – but the accompanying toy stethoscopes turned our otherwise nondescript appearance into the life of the party.

We walked around a frat party looking for possible ‘patients,’ and then stuck the plastic end piece into the chest of whatever cute girl was interested enough to get a ‘checkup.’

By the end of the night our private practice had treated two hot prison inmates, three scantily clad police officers, one Catholic school girl, four cheerleaders, two ‘morning after’ girls, Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and the entire cast of ‘Gossip Girl.’ We even had three slutty nurses helping us out with all the paperwork they could handle.

Yet, in the coming days and weeks I had trouble recalling all the great moments from that weekend. No, I wasn’t blackout drunk. And, no, there were no narcotics in my system – unless you count the gas fumes from my neighbor’s ‘Ghostbusters’ costume (don’t ask).

Regardless, whether it was the two guys in gorilla suits who kept humping trees on Euclid, or the guy dressed as Ron Jeremy, who pulled off his costume even without the mustache, there was only one thing on my mind when I looked back on that night: legs, legs and more legs. Call me a pig, say that I’m sexist, yell at my mom for letting me watch ‘Baywatch’ after nursery school instead of ‘Sesame Street’ – I don’t care. I’m a teenage boy and everywhere I turned there was a pair of female legs barely covered by a short skirt, booty shorts or just panties. It was like the first time I tried Wings: sloppy, delicious and beyond my wildest dreams.

In fact, the concept of slutty Halloween costumes fascinates me so much that I can’t help but wonder if the concept works both ways: Could any guy who straps on a skimpy Halloween costume end the night with more chicks hanging on him than David Hasselhoff?

Maybe it’s demeaning, and it’s definitely not socially acceptable outside of San Francisco, but a good skank-out might be just what the doctor ordered for us fellas on All Hallows Eve. So, to facilitate the fun, I compiled a list of five great slutty dude costumes:

Tom Cruise from ‘Risky Business’: Sure, this one’s been done before, but nobody ever has the cahones to go all out. Either they wear boxers under their button-down shirt or find some other gimmick to ‘keep warm’ that the girls would be too ashamed to use. So, to end all debate, the outfit goes as follows: One button-down shirt, a pair of briefs and 4-6 inch white tube socks. Hookers, air guitars and Katie Holmes are optional.

The Village People: Every girl loves a group of civic-minded men, especially police officers who sport a porn ‘stache, furry handcuffs and a leather vest. Just make sure you cuff the girls dressed as jailbait before they sail away with your friend in the Navy.

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: After watching all of their movies, TV episodes and buying their collector’s edition action figures off an illegal immigrant in New York City’s Chinatown (what, like you haven’t?), I’ve come to three conclusions about these heroes in a half shell: They are the greatest superheroes in the history of mankind, they’re about 4 feet tall and weigh like 500 pounds, and they’re not wearing pants. Besides, you’d be surprised how often nunchucks come in handy at a party.

Michael Phelps: It might get cold, but all you need is a Speedo, skull cap, goggles and a bong. If that doesn’t make you look like a 14-time Olympic gold medalist, then stuff your swimsuit and hope for the best.

Will Ferrell from ‘Old School’: Some call it ‘public nudity.’ Others call it ‘streaking.’ I call it commitment. Just make sure none of the people calling it ‘public nudity’ look like they’re in the Village People.

Danny Fersh is a sophomore broadcast journalism major and his columns appear every Wednesday. Will his booty shorts go well with his mullet wig? Find out on The Fresh Squeeze this weekend. He can be reached at dafersh@syr.edu.