While you might not know queer terminology, you should be ready to learn it
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I knew nothing about drag other than from what I had seen on “RuPaul’s Drag Race” — my first proper introduction to drag was when I watched the drag queen Salina EsTitties perform live. So when I was met with a teasing response for misusing the term “drag racing” in a question during the show, I was pretty embarrassed.
But it was when they continued to answer others’ questions with the same sass and sarcasm they did with mine that I realized my mistake wasn’t as grave as I thought. Because of the lightness that EsTitties took my mistake with, I was able to walk away from the incident learning and becoming a better ally to my own community.
Every community has specific terminology that is used to describe people and situations and the queer community is no exception. As a queer woman myself, I still come across terms that I don’t know. I still make mistakes, and that’s okay, but only when I’m acting with the best of intentions and I put in the effort to do better.
Making mistakes, especially those with more impact than mine — such as misgendering someone or misinterpreting an identity — can be intimidating. But when such an incident occurs, we should focus more on apologizing and educating ourselves than on feeling ashamed or embarrassed.
To those outside of the queer community, these mistakes may seem small, but oftentimes this is not the case. Experiencing frequent misgendering and feeling as though one’s identity isn’t valid can take a large mental and emotional toll on a person — especially a younger, queer individual still building a support system.
It is crucial that we maintain and build safe spaces for open communication so that people can learn and grow. Legislation such as Florida’s infamous “Don’t Say Gay” bill works to dismantle these spaces.
This bill directly prohibits preferred pronoun use for gender nonconforming and trans students and it brings harm by establishing an environment where most young people don’t even understand what “gender nonconforming” or “trans” means. When young adults and teens aren’t able to openly discuss queer identities and terminologies, it not only threatens students who are in the queer community but restricts education for those outside of it.
Despite oppressive measures like “Don’t Say Gay” and book bans, spaces like the classroom can be a powerful tool for having important discussions when they are being limited in the country.
Queer terms can be complicated, but what isn’t complicated is putting in effort to validate someone’s identity. Every time you make a mistake or come across a new word, take it as an opportunity to learn more. It is our responsibility to create accepting spaces for our peers.
Take the time to utilize resources to learn new queer terminology. There are many websites online that contain glossaries of queer terms, such as the LGBTQ+ vocabulary list. Books, such as “Excluded” by Julia Serano, can also be great resources. Throughout Serano’s opening chapter, she dives deep into queer terminology and its usage.
Another way to avoid misgendering mistakes is to use they/them pronouns when you haven’t been explicitly informed of someone’s preferred pronouns. This is a safe way to ensure you don’t refer to someone in a way they do not identify with. (It never hurts to simply ask for someone’s pronouns, as well.)
Regardless of these tips, it can still be hard to not slip up, especially when the current political and social climate is pushing against such important education. This is a fact I understand even as a queer woman. Don’t be ashamed about making a mistake, they’re a part of life. But what isn’t excusable is choosing to not learn from those mistakes and refraining from making changes to protect and support the people around you.
Claire McBride is a freshman Magazine, News and Digital Journalism major. Her column appears bi-weekly. She can be reached at Cpmcbrid@syr.edu.
