Our humor columnist knows the best bathrooms for breaking down
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One thing about me is that I absolutely love to cry. I cry over everything: movies, books, seeing dogs on the street. (Usually, the owners don’t let me pet them after I start crying.)
If there’s one thing we can universally cry over, however, it’s the end of the semester. There are finals, it’s cold and I just watched the “Love Actually” card scene. So, if you need a bit of privacy to shed your tears, here are my top four best bathrooms on campus to cry in.
Schine Bathroom, First Floor
Tucked away in its own private sector of the building, the bathrooms on the first floor of Schine are a fantastic place to get your cry on. The bathroom has enough stalls that, if you’re heard crying, no one will be able to find you. It is also equipped with shiny metal doors so you can stare at your reflection after full-body sobbing for 10 minutes. Nothing feels better than seeing your puffy, red eyes staring back at you!
Marshall Square Mall Bathroom, Second Floor
No one at Syracuse University utilizes Marshall Square Mall enough. There’s coffee, thrifting, Subway, a bunch of cute little tables to work at and, importantly, a very private bathroom to cry in. The bathrooms at Marshall Square Mall are kind of difficult to find, which is perfect for this exact scenario. You can step in there, wail your head off and then reward yourself for your bravery with a sweet treat from Salt City Coffee or maybe even a used pair of men’s basketball shorts from 3fifteen thrift store!
Cole Ross | Digital Design Editor
Smith Hall Bathroom, Basement
I discovered this bathroom out of desperation, but it’s become one of my favorite cry spots on campus. I have two classes in Smith Hall this semester, and after three weeks of not knowing where the bathroom was (and during a very boring lecture), I decided it was time to find out. After a very long trek (I crossed one hall and went down three flights of stairs), I finally found the Smith Hall basement bathroom. I love this bathroom. Since it’s so secluded, no one knows about it. Plus, it’s near all of the woodshops, so the sounds of the machinery can drown out the sound of your sobs.
Hendricks Chapel Bathroom, Basement
After pounding back an iced coffee from People’s Place, I was in desperate need of a bathroom trip. That’s when I found this absolute haven of a bathroom, perfect for people who wish to have a private cry. Plus, the stall doors have no cracks in them, so you don’t have to worry about someone peeking an eye through. Sometimes you can even hear the choir, and I’m not sure if you were aware, but a panic attack can be quite magical while “Ave Maria” is played underneath it.
Now that you’ve read my foolproof guide to campus bathrooms, happy crying! I will see you in there, soldier.
