Women are often called dramatic, being a feminist shouldn’t be a killjoy
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Trigger Warning: This story contains mentions of sexual assault and rape.
It’s difficult to be the only person in the room to stand up and say that a joke isn’t funny or that a professor needs to be held accountable. Some may tell you “you’re taking it too seriously” or “it’s just a joke,” but you’re not and it isn’t.
What may just be harmless humor to one person can be one of a thousand pinpricks for another, which altogether creates a pain much greater. This is even harder in college because of the prevalence of peer pressure, felt especially by women.
“The Feminist Killjoy Handbook” was created by British-Australian writer and scholar Sara Ahmed, with the intent of describing how it feels to kill the mood or ruin the fun when we find ourselves in the presence of sexist jokes or at the hands of patriarchal constructs.
Ahmed wrote in Feminist Killjoys (And Other Willful Subjects), “Does the feminist kill other people’s joy by pointing out moments of sexism? Or does she expose the bad feelings that get hidden, displaced or negated under public signs of joy?” Women are often blamed for being too dramatic or too serious when they react to what offends them but why is “joy” coming from the pain of others in the first place?
On a college campus, fraternities often put the well-being of women at risk and we feel like we’re killing their fun by pointing it out. When a fraternity denies certain girls because of their race, looks, body type or other superficial reasons, it isn’t easy to take a stand. These men put women into difficult positions instead of making the right choice themselves to be more inclusive.
Not only are women experiencing the burden of this discrimination but now they have to choose between having fun or supporting one another. Being a feminist can be exhausting when it feels like you are constantly involved in situations where others need to be educated.
These conversations are difficult and emotionally burdening. Going out with friends should be an escape from the stress of work, classes and professional life. Instead of forcing women to choose between having a social life and being a “good” feminist, we should all be in support of education and change.
It’s not an understatement to say that Greek life is a large part of our campus life — at Syracuse University, there are 54 fraternities and sororities on campus, a total of 3,535 people in these houses.
SU has a history of fraternities and sororities being suspended for various incidents that have prompted the Feminist Killjoy in many. Infamously known is Phi Kappa Psi, which SU placed on disciplinary and social probation until May 2024 after SU students protested allegations of sexual assault by the fraternity’s members.
These feelings of being a killjoy do not just apply to women but all marginalized groups. Two years ago, SU suspended Alpha Chi Rho, also known as Crow, after members allegedly yelled racist slurs at a Black woman from the fraternity house. While it is easy to criticize these fraternities, it is harder to abstain from the culture altogether.
As a result, in November 2021, hundreds of students protested outside Interfraternity Council chapter houses, including Phi Kappa Psi, to protest rape culture in Greek life. This type of action helps to relieve a single woman from being the killjoy who stands up to an entire fraternity of toxic men. This support needs to be seen more often.
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This is not unique to SU. In November of the same year, Cornell University suspended all fraternity events amidst multiple allegations of sexual assault and drugged drinks. Such allegations should make everyone run, but are instead ingrained in college culture.
As women, we want to support each other, along with all marginalized groups on campus but it can be difficult to be the one who tells your friends not to go out or to avoid certain groups because of their actions.
While women feel guilt for participating in college life, men are often getting a slap on the wrist — as small as social probation — for sexual assault, drugging drinks and pinning women against one other for a “Bootcamp.” It should not be women’s job to avoid the sexist situations that surround us every day. It feels like we have to miss out on certain experiences if we want to be considered real feminists.
And larger systemic action also needs to be implemented, not mere social suspension. There should be more than a 25-minute online sexual assault prevention training for students, especially with 10% of students at SU reporting to have “experienced some form of non-consensual sexual assault,” with “6% indicated they had experienced relationship abuse during their time as a student at SU.”
The responsibility to combat rape and party culture should no longer be placed on teenage girls. Being a Feminist Killjoy should never bring a sense of shame or guilt, and 20-year-old girls should not be at the forefront of systemically uprooting SU.
Emilie (Lily) Newman is a sophomore Political Science and Magazine, News, and Digital Journalism major. Her column appears biweekly. She can be reached at jsweintr@syr
