You Op to Know: TinderU won’t fix your love life
Welcome to the second edition of You Op to Know, The Daily Orange Opinion section’s weekly podcast.
This week, The Daily Orange Opinion section brought on one of our gender and sexuality columnists Lianza Reyes to discuss her column “Don’t expect Tinder U to fix your love life.”
If you have any questions or comments, feel free to submit a letter to the editor at opinion@dailyorange.com.
Check back next week to listen to a dialogue about the most viewed column.
WEIS: Hello everyone, I’m your host and co-producer Allison Weis and welcome to The Daily Orange’s opinion podcast You Op To Know. Tonight we have Lianza Reyes a Gender and Sexuality columnist on the show to discuss her column “Don’t expect Tinder U to fix your love life.” Welcome Lianza!
REYES: Thank you for having me Allison.
WEIS: So how did you get involved in the Daily Orange, and why did you want to write the gen + sex column?
REYES: So I actually only began to seriously write for the D.O. when I applied to be a Gender and Sexuality columnist. I’m an avid reader of the news side of the D.O, but when I saw they were looking for a columnist of different topics it interested me because I am really interested in politics but I’m also interested in policies that affect gender and sexuality, LGBT issues so I figured I would apply for it and help me become more aware of news going on in Central New York and ever since then I’ve been writing and I really enjoy it.
WEIS: So how we choose the column for the podcast is we select the most viewed column of the week and go deeper on the topic with the columnist. Your column was the number 9 article on the Daily Orange total, Tinder is a very popular topic. Lianza can you give a brief introduction on the topic of your column and what your opinion on TinderU ultimately was?
REYES: So the column was aptly titled “Don’t expect TinderU to fix your love life” Tinder just rolled out a secondary version of the app which is focused on university students. So rather than giving your email or phone number to create your account, you need a .edu email address. So that means it closes off the people using the app to university students and it give students the opportunity to connect to nearby university students. So for SU students that includes SUNY Cortland or Cornell University, but it’s also is by choice if they want to swipe in on that. What I was trying to point out in my column is that it’s an interesting way of closing off the Tinder audience to mainly college students, which is a popular audience for the dating app, but it’s not going to be at a replacement for a love life nor is it going to be a solution to anyone’s problems in their personal life.
WEIS: You say in your column that TinderU isn’t doing to introduce you everybody on campus, so what would be your solution to this and how could TinderU be better.
REYES: I think first of all we have to acknowledge that Tinder has never been and I don’t think will never be the one way to find a date or to find a romantic interest. It has this built in algorithm to find people within your area within the radius of your choice, within the gender of your choice, the age group of your choice and that can help you look into possibilities. But their bios and pictures don’t reflect who they really are. One thing I mentioned later on is that you can get Catfished. Even if you use a .edu address that doesn’t mean the pictures you see are really them. They can easily take pictures from someone else and posing as a different person. My solution is to be open-minded. Some people I’ve met have multiple dating apps, they have Tinder they have Bumble they have different things all for different reasons . At the same time, I don’t think we should be relying on a screen to replace a conversation or a more organic relationship with someone. I think people have to understand that there are few positive advantages to using a dating app there are definitely more ways to introducing yourself to a campus such as Syracuse University. Again, Not everyone uses dating apps even. The best way really is to get involved and to look into other groups, meet people. A screen doesn’t substitute meeting someone in real life.
WEIS: Sometimes people can hide behind their phones, too.
REYES: Definitely
WEIS: Someone may feel more comfortable and confident texting through a dating app, in person they are more shy. You don’t get a true judge of character through these apps.
REYES: I was once on a date, and you know on page the guy looked great. I’m a former Tinder user. The bio looked like I would enjoy being with this person, they were interested in similar things. The date actually happened and it was a total disaster. It wasn’t the worst date I’ve ever been on but it was pretty bad. I never proceeded to talk to them again, I pretty much avoided them at all costs. You can have so many things go wrong on Tinder, especially you can get Catfished.
WEIS: With me and my friends at least, our judge of character, we used to play a game where we would send The Office .gifs to people and if they could keep the conversation going just using The Office .gifs then we would continue the conversation. Which, with how popular of a show The Office, I feel like a lot of people would be able to do that. So, I don’t know how true of a judge of character that would be. You talk about ditching the phone and finding love in a more organic way, do you have any tips on how to do this or gain the confidence to do this?
REYES: I think one way to gain confidence is try to look deep into yourself as a person and see what you are interested in. A lot of people use Tinder to find a romantic interest but I’ve also seen a lot of people use it to meet people, find friends and make connections. While I do think that is an odd way to use that is specifically a dating app that has the swipe left, swipe right mechanism, I do think that there is reason to this and that it’s a valid reason. To do that appropriately and successfully, it’s to look deep into yourself and try to realize that you have the whole sea. There’s the old adage, “There are plenty more fish in the sea”. That’s true, but you can’t exactly fish in every single sea that exists. You have to look into a singular part or rather look into what your specifically interested in. You might want to think I want to date outside SU or within SU, I want to date within my academic major as you or people outside of it. So I think that’s one thing. To gain confidence to do that is to also understand yourself and understand what you might look for in a partner. Any tips on how to do this, well sometimes what I’ve learned with a lot of dating apps is that the people you actually see, tend to be a friend of a friend or someone you know through someone else. It’s pretty funny when you realize that someone you know actually knows someone you swiped right or left on. And you have this whole conversation about it. What I’m trying to get at is besides things like that, it’s also admitting you will run into pretty great situations where something goes successfully. You will also run into situations where things go flat, and it’s a big disaster. When those things do happen, you have to accept that it’s a part of life. You can’t be super embarrassed with one terrible date. So, that’s just the way I see it, I’m sure a lot of people who are more seasoned dating app users have more ways of tackling this successfully. As my interview said, Ramona Pringle, look at it, Take it with a grain of salt, and don’t take it too seriously. But you can also look at it as insight.
WEIS: Definitely. So, thinking about how we use our phones, and we spend a lot of time on phones on instagram, people DM you. There are a lot of ways for you to find people on social media whether its a dating app or a social media app. So, what does your ideal dating app look like?
REYES: In a perfect world I think an ideal dating app will number one not give out your contact info. You know when you give your contact info from the get-go on a dating app it raises issues of privacy and it raises the possibility of danger. What if someone is catfishing you and yo don’t know who they really are on the other side of the screen. In addition, I think another characteristic of an ideal dating app is more particular of the characteristics you’re looking for. And not to say, I’m looking for someone 6’4 and above. No, it’s more-so what college they’re in, if they’re in the same academic major as you, or do they live in dorms, or what are their interests. I do think one of the faults of many social media apps these days is that they rely on an algorithm. And the algorithm is never perfect. In addition to that it is more reliant on numbers or analytics verses more organic characteristics of a person that make a relationship successful or make a date successful. So I think if a dating app were to have all of those qualities, and it’s very difficult to create a dating app that is very organic and specialized in someone’s personality, but if they were to create that I think you you could easily find yourself and could find a niche for yourself. Furthermore, I think a dating app will be successful if you have a lot of users. If you swipe a lot on tinder you will reach an end essentially and then you will face reach a blank screen that says “Ok we are looking for more people in your area” but you are basically done. And that’s kind of disappointing because that means you just went through all of your options. The more users you have the more options you have.
WEIS: One of my questions is that you mentioned you don’t want them to give out contact information do u mean that you want the entire relationship to exist on an online platform and maybe wait until you meet in person. It does raise questions of safety but if you want to have someone to create that organic relationship, that you can only do in person, wouldn’t it be better to have your contact info out there. How do you feel about that?
REYES: The problem with these apps, or rather how people use these apps, is how immediate they are to give out phone numbers to someone else. I don’t agree with that all the time because suddenly a stranger has your phone number and they have the power to give it to someone else. So I think what I notice that tends to be successful is that you give the time to talk to a person. Try to see if you see them on campus. In the end, while this campus does seem really huge you can seem the same people. Try to find what their interests are, where you intersect and if you know this person already in real life you just happen to see them ask how you know them and analyze what it might mean for both of you to pursue something further. That’s where you can build trust and willingly give contact info. Things like emails, phone numbers or addresses are more private but social media is a more public platform. So, they might not necessarily have your phone number from the get go but they can search you on instagram and easily they can find you unless your username is hard to find. They can find you on facebook or twitter. I think there are more mechanisms to try and get to know someone other than exchanging extremely private information very early on in the contact phase.
WEIS: Very true. So, you got to talk to Ryerson professor Ramona Pringle, what is the expert opinion on Tinder and online dating apps?
REYES: One of my favorite quotes from this interview that I had with her, it was a brief interview but she gave some really great points. I asked her, do you that dating apps are more ideal than other social media apps when looking for romantic relationships. A little background on Professor Pringle, her specialty really is social media and how it affects relationships around us. And what she said was,“A little bit of this and a little bit of that. It can’t hurt, if you’re smart and safe about it,” I included this in my column. It is reflective not only in dating apps but in social media in general. A lot of people through flack at social media for being a distracting thing. In reality human attention spans are short in general. People have to find their own personal focus and concentration to make sure they only use it in small doses and I think it’s the same with dating apps. If someone becomes too dependent on a screen
to find a romantic interest for them they will never truly get to know the person until they take the further step and go on a date, and they may come into some huge disappointments if they wait so long to take that step. Lastly, one of my favorite things she pointed out is something I said earlier, “Algorithms are the strengths and the weaknesses. People trust a machine to help them find what they’re looking for … but don’t always know what they’re looking for.” Sometimes you go on tinder and just think, I’ll find a date. But you don’t realize what you’re trying to look for. Are you looking for something more casual or are you looking for something more serious. If you’re looking for something for something more serious, maybe an app isn’t the place to go. I’ve had people who prove me wrong and I find people who prove me wrong every day, but considering the convenience of a dating app rather than being structured to deeply get to know someone I do think people use Tinder on a more casual basis rather than a more serious basis.
WEIS: Definitely, I’ve found that in my experience too. Is there anything you want to touch on that you didn’t get to cover in the column?
REYES: I am curious to see how college students will use TinderU. The ad that TinderU had on its website said that, are you looking for a coffee date, are you looking for someone to study with, things like that. So it made me wonder if they’re also posing it not just as a dating app for college students but also as a connections kind of thing, to find a friend or to find an acquaintance. And I wondered if that is how they’re marketing it to college students. Because if so, I think TinderU may be more successful in that regard. But I do think they have a long ways to go in terms of rebranding themselves because tinder will always be primarily known as a dating app and more of a casual dating app you know, swipe, swipe, swipe kind of activity. It will take a while for them to get there, but I do think if they do that, college students will see a use for this app beyond what it is usually intended for.
WEIS: Great! Thank you so much for joining us this week Lianza!
REYES: Thank you for having me Allison
WEIS: Stay tuned for next week’s podcast where we will begin discussing some of our columns. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to submit a letter to the editor at opinion@dailyorange.com. We’ll talk to you next week!